Have you ever met that person who makes life look easy? Who never seems to be sad or angry with anything? Who looks like he/she has unbelievable balance in their life?
I have and these people fascinate me! I envy them so I went on a mission to understand how these people have got to this balanced state.
I started by reading various spiritual books, learning and applying NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) and speaking with like-minded individuals. Eventually I came across a quick but effective method that seemed to work for me. In short, I feel more in control of my emotions.
The Fortress – protecting your values in the search for happiness
So I call my method the fortress. All you need to do is build an imaginary fortress designed to protect your core values. What do I mean by core values? Well we each have values that when threatened or attacked give us an emotional reaction. These include respect, acknowledgement, honesty, freedom and integrity.
Once you figure out these values you can understand why you feel certain emotions and then take simple steps to protect them.
How to find your core values
1. Think of a time that really made you feel overwhelmed with emotions. For example: sadness, anger, happiness or nervousness.
2. Ask yourself what value of yours came into being. For example, was it your respect, freedom or justice value?
3. Congratulations! Now you know one of your core values.
Now you know your core values how can you protect them?
Keep a ‘look out’
Well this is where your fortress comes in. Keep an eye out for any potential threat by using your ‘look out’. Your look out is the use of your observation skills. If you feel that a person has the personality to attack some of your core values then take some simple steps to protect yourself.
Firstly you could simply remove yourself from this person. For example, yoy may have work colleagues whose idea of socialising is to constantly bitch and attack people behind their backs. Yoy could start to feel really uncomfortable around them, wondering what they may be saying about you behind your back! In short, your integrity value could be under attack. To protect yourself, limit your time spent with them in order to limit your exposure to negative emotions.
Another thing to do is to look at your surroundings. Is your job or family environment conflicting against your values? I changed my career based on this. I felt sad in my job because I felt my day to day integrity was being compromised. I felt I had to act a certain way to get ahead and I just didn’t have the personality to do so. I looked at all the successful workers and realised to be like them I would have my core values attacked daily. So that was that. I eventually found a job where I could feel comfortable simply because my core values were not only attack free, but appreciated and valued by my employers.
At every moment of a negative emotion, ask yourself which of your core value is being compromised. Not only will you understand your feeling (which for some people is a real cause of frustration) but you will feel able to take action to stop them.
I guess it’s all about knowing who you really are, what makes you tick and what drives you crazy! It’s an amazing feeling once you work this out and it’s totally necessary if you want to be that balanced person!
Thanks for reading.
Hope this helps!
The Young Philosopher BCN